Two days ago, I turned on my Kindle 2 (recently handed down to me after the ‘rents acquired a Kindle 3 – with a gorgeous new burgundy cover that I’m so in love with) to try to get through some boring, blah reading material for college. Instead, I see that at some point during the day, my father had put Wil Wheaton’s ‘Just A Geek’ on it, which he had finished reading in one shot the night before.
Now, I’ve been a big fan of Wil Wheaton – not for the fact that he played Wesley Crusher, or for his blog – but for his adorable pet ‘tweets’ that he put up now and then. As a fellow pet owner, who also has dogs and a cat, I find myself relating to these quite a lot and I always find myself laughing out loud, thinking ‘I KNOW, RIGHT?’ every time he tweets about these pet ‘incidents’. So I thought, ok lets give this book a shot.
From the second he introduced me to Prove To Everyone & The Voice Of Self Doubt, I fell hook line and sinker for this book. Mr. Wheaton, I have no idea if you are ever going to read this, but your book changed the way I look at myself. You see, for the past couple of months, these two have been my constant companions as well – and I’m only admitting it now. There were quite a few moments – really long, rough ones – when I thought that I couldn’t be a writer, it just wasn’t me anymore. Which is ironic because everyone around me seemed to think that it was perfectly natural for me to think about getting into writing full-time. But it seemed like I wasn’t in love with writing any more. I felt like I was writing for the sake of writing – something I promised myself a long time ago that I would never, ever do.
But here I was, doing exactly that.
‘Just A Geek’ made me realise that if you’re a writer, there’s no running away from it. If you’re meant to write, it happens. This book made me fall in love with writing all over again. Words have always had a powerful effect on me, but I think I was taking them for granted and this showed in my attitude towards my own writing. ‘Just A Geek’ made me take a harsh look at what I wanted from myself as a person, and more importantly, from myself as a writer.
So, I don’t know what’s in store for me, or my writing, or this blog. I don’t know if I’m going to get a job, or not (this might seem a bit random but just stay with me here). But I’ve learnt that it’s ok to admit that I’m scared. It’s ok to put my feelings into this box, and hit publish and let the world see me and my insecurities.
Because, at the end of the day, I don’t want these words to be sterile, and useless. I don’t want them to be fake, and show that I’m in control all the time, or that I’m not worried or scared.
I just want my writing to be me.